What Makes Us Shine?

We don’t always realise how valuable our contribution is to the world. We don’t realise we are awesome. All of us….

 

I watched a little child praised for something he had done well this week and saw how his face lit up and saw how he walked with a spring in his step for a while, knowing he was valued: he was able to shine. It got me thinking about how we all need a little time to shine as we go about our day – our year and even our life. Because being given time to shine helps build our confidence and the way we view the world. Like a plant that shrivels without sunlight we can shrivel if we aren’t shown appreciation.

It could be said that our ego steps to the fore when we are made to feel good – made to feel special, and there is that very English thing a lot of us have had instilled in us from an early age – the thought that if we are praised or shown appreciation we may end up getting ‘ideas above our station’. We may ask ourselves , ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? We have to remind ourselves now and again that being small or insignificant does not serve the world. There is nothing good about remaining in the shadows so other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to have our time to shine at times, just as children do –  not just some of us but all of us; we grow with the recognition that we are doing well or are on the right track.

Constructive praise is a wonderful thing. We can expect it when we have done well but there is always room for praise even when there has been cause to point out someone’s bad behaviour or mistake – reminding someone we love them and focusing on their positive points can be a good turning point at a difficult time.

We may lack confidence at times – we may literally forget HOW to shine, perhaps we need a little bit of inspiration….

As inspiration to shine unabashedly, there is a wonderful quote by author Marianne Williamson:

    ‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most.’

If we release that fear of being in the spotlight we can reach immense heights – we can realise there is nothing really to fear for we are all striving in this world to do the best we can. Also, when we remember that most people are worrying about how the world views them and not you, (it’s just human nature not selfishness) you can feel less self-conscious.

We can help others shine. Compliments are free! When you give someone a compliment, you are more likely to get one in return so it helps all round. When you make someone feel special, it can be enough to carry them through the rest of a difficult day and keep them happy and productive.

Kindness doesn’t actually kill! You can never harm anyone with kindness. Kindness will kill a bad mood or a bad memory. A kind thought or deed will create a good memory for someone. Even if you are having a bad day, being kind to another human being will make both you and them feel better.

Ways to help your self shine

Remember positive moments, and build your self-confidence for future endeavours.

Let yourself shine based on your character and personality – don’t be afraid to be yourself.

Nuture the relationships that are encouraging and supporting.

Look after yourself.

Practise mindfulness – the state of being conscious and aware – sounds obvious but do we really notice everything that is going on around us.

Remember that it is often the small things that are more important than the big ones.

Love makes us shine

Do you remember when you first fell in love? That feeling like you were walking on air, when your senses were heightened and the whole world seemed to be aglow? We may not be able to capture that feeling all the time but we would do well to remember the power of love. Whatever sort of love we feel, whether it is the love of a partner or our child, a friend or even self love, when we feel love we thrive and we truly shine.

YOUR LIFE WAS MEANT TO SHINE.

6A32B133-89B9-49D4-BD9E-0AC19B024E00

 

 

 

 

Trusting In The Universe and Releasing Anxiety …

What better way is there to lift your anxiety than to trust in the universe?

I keep a small perpetual calendar of daily religious sayings in my kitchen. I had given it to my dad for Christmas not long before he sadly died. He had enjoyed reading the short daily scriptures so I have taken over from him – pondering the profound and thought provoking words each morning. Yesterday I read this:

    So spacious is Christ, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe – people and things, animals and atoms – get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies.

Colossians 1 : 19 – 20

Whether we are religious or not I think the above passage from Colossians is wonderful and can give us a different way of thinking about the ‘bigger picture’.  We all know anxiety well. Life comes with trials and heartache and anxiety rises when opportunities fall through and when we are at a loss to find comfort in bad situations. We all have days when an unexpected bill comes through the post or when we turn on the news to witness another heartbreaking story of injustice or tragedy. It is easy to be almost paralysed by realities that unfold in front of us.

When anxiety strikes we can easily resort to thinking inwardly at the expense of the wider view and no one can blame us for that. Anxiety can often blind us to reality.

Trusting the Universe 

Trusting in the universe can be difficult at times of trouble;  however, more often that not, no matter how overwhelming things can be, if we can truly learn to let go, we can then trust that things will eventually work out. We have all been hurt, experienced loss and had difficult times and yet that isn’t because we cannot trust the universe. When you think about it, all good things have to end sometime but when we reach those endings that is the time when new beginnings start. New doors are opened and maybe new love and new successes.

When you learn to trust the universe it becomes easier to accept the things that would once have knocked us back and maybe had us sinking into depression. We can see light at the end of the tunnel. We can learn to let go of the past, knowing this does not serve us now. We can stop saying ‘what if?’ Also, instead of seeing life as past, present and future – never standing still, we can realise that we can just ‘be’ without any explanations. We can live the lives we were born to live.

There Is a Bigger Picture

When we begin to see there is a bigger picture, that the universe has us covered, we have more time for each other and for love and kindness. Our hearts are softened. The universe will give us what we need, not what we think we want. How many times have we looked back at old disappointments and realised that what we had yearned for but did not get, would not have served us well?

When we trust in the universe we connect with our brothers and sisters all around the world and we put out good vibes. People draw near to us because they sense our goodness and lack of negativity.

There is no crowding in the universe, there is room for all. There is no ticking clock that urges us to complete our loving actions or service to others before sunrise  – time is just an illusion so we do not need to rush headlong into each day.

Thinking As A Child

Do you remember how when you were a child every day held promise? There was excitement, the feeling of good things ahead , but mainly you did things just because they made you happy. When you connect with the universe you can reconnect with that feeling and enjoy the things you love the most.

When We Do Less We Become More.

This is an interesting thought isn’t it? It’s like most things – when you step back and take an objective view often you can see things more clearly. Trusting in the universe means realising that we don’t always have to be busy. If we are doing nothing we aren’t being lazy we are taking breaks when we need to and then being productive when we feel it is right.

Banishing Anxiety

What better way is there to lift your anxiety than to trust  in the universe? Instead of losing yourself in worry and depression, if you can trust that things will work out and feel in your heart that good things are coming, this can be a big step forward and you may feel as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

Many times people have used this line from the lyrics of Leonard Cohen but it never loses its impact to me:

There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.’

Remeber this, especially on anxious days: none of us are perfect  – nothing is ever truly broken. Like the philosophy behind the ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi, which repairs smashed pottery by using beautiful seems of gold with a 500 year old technique which  not only restores functionality to broken pots, but gives a useful lesson in life, we can mend and be more beautiful than we ever were before.

9B26F51B-E3E0-4882-B8E3-63F3BB228394

 

 

 

 

Bluebells and Turtle Doves….

Spring is at its prime and the hedgerows and the fields are at their most vibrant. The blackbirds are busily feeding their chicks and nature seems at its most active. After a long, cold winter how could one not be inspired? Suddenly the world around us is coming to life and as I drove around the country lanes today I was tempted to stop to look at the bluebells carpeting the woodlands. Sometimes, at times like these I am prompted by the lines of a favourite song or the words from a favourite guru. There is so much to be grateful for and so many heartfelt words that make my own heart sing. So today, I’d like to share with you some of my own words; some are taken from the inspiration of others, so maybe they are not totally mine, and yet, they are. All things come from little threads we pick up and blend into our own tapestry of life.

The bluebells made such a pool that the earth had become like water, and all the trees and bushes seemed to have grown out of the water.’

Do you sometimes make up your mind how things are going to go, worry about reactions of others or how they are going to respond to you?

Some days surprise you; people surprise you: sometimes in ways that you hadn’t expected and in ways that can spur you on. Remind yourself never to assume anything. All is well.’

Do you spend too much time worrying? Cast your cares aside, even if just for a moment. Start again tomorrow.

Put your thoughts to sleep; let them not cast a shadow over the moon. Drown them in a sea of love.’

Do you sometimes feel confused and wonder what life is all about for a moment, and then you catch the notes of a familiar well loved song playing on the radio or read some old notes you wrote long ago and all of a sudden, things fall into place again? You remember what is important to you. You feel like things are okay.

Look for signs from the Universe; open a favourite book at a random page and see what’s written there. Look out for your friendly robin; pick up a stray coin. Look at the abundance all around you.’

Make it your mission to spread love and kindness.

Reach out and say hello; reassure one another when times are fraught; be kind. Look for sunbeams shining through the clouds.’

It is easy to forget to look around when we are busy. But remember to stop and look at the small things. Really in life, it is the small things that are important.

Remember too, when you are out and about – look up! It surprising what you miss when you focus on the ground – look at the pretty windows, the unusual architecture, the doves perched on their window ledges. See the sunlight filter through the tall trees in the morning and the stars twinkling in the inky blue sky at night.’

Walk in the sunshine. And if it rains tomorrow the fragrant flowers at your feet will be ever more beautiful.

Bluebells

When You Look at Good Things (and you don’t win the lottery)

Happiness comes from the simpler things

Here at Dove Lane my husband looked eagerly at an email in his inbox this morning – without his spectacles on. Squinting at the screen he saw there was information regarding a lottery win. He saw a 5 but wasn’t sure how many noughts…A lunge for the glasses and a closer look revealed he had won. £5. Ah well, I guess we don’t think about moving to the palatial mansion by the sea yet.

Whether we had won £500, £5,000 or £5,000,000, how would our lives have changed and would we have been happier if the amount had been in the millions? Initially maybe. But what about in the long term? The way we respond to a windfall depends on where we are in life and the circumstances that surround us. To some people in the world £5 would be more than just loose change, it could mean perhaps the chance for a hungry family to eat for a week,  yet all we felt when we won it was disappointment. £500 would give us cause to be excited but it wouldn’t be life changing, yet to others it could be. £5,000 may make us jump up an down a bit – perhaps we could put it towards buying a new car or a holiday. But £5,000,000 – wow wouldn’t that be something? Now we’re talking!

Or are we?

I could write pages about how winning large amounts of money would benefit us, and what we would do with that sort of cash, but that is not really what I’m thinking about here. I can’t pretend it wouldn’t be welcome – of course it would, but the question is, how important is it for our happiness to be financially rich? What really makes us happy? Are rich people actually any happier in the long run? Can money really buy you happiness, good health or better relationships? Maybe yes. But then again, maybe not. Maybe it brings added complications, arguments over how the money is distributed , even isolation.

For many of us, happiness comes from simpler things and the smaller things in life. In fact, it is the small things in life that are the most important. Always have been and always will be.

Look beyond money. It isn’t everything. Sometime too much of it (or too little)  may even cloud our judgement. So when we look at inspiring stories, and even look at heartwarming pictures unrelated to financial aspirations we can be grounded. Also, even if we don’t have much personal wealth it is good to be generous. Not necessarily with money but with our time, hospitality and compassion.

We sometimes need motivation to be more kind and compassionate. Everyday life encompasses us,  and in the hustle and bustle of everyday life we may forget sometimes that we need to stop and look at the good happenings around us. When we watch others perform acts of kindness, and witness human goodness we boost the optimistic side of our character and then pay if forward ourselves.

If we choose a good attitude we will go a long way in reminding ourselves that we have everything we need. Again, implement simple strategies that help – smiling even when you don’t feel like it, taking time out to give loved ones your full attention. Taking time out to care for yourself. Do one thing at a time and help your day go smoothly.

This week I feel exhausted, I have been working very long hours but it is all in a good cause. I have read many, many inspiring stories and seen many speakers and teachers give up their time free of charge for the Winspiration Day project that I am an ambassador for. (Read more about Winspiration Day here : http://www.winspirationday.org/ ) It has been incredible to be working on this project and to see how so many people believe in working and uniting together to make the world a better place.

My blog may be a bit disjointed this week. I apologise for that but after a long day I hope a few of my jumbled thoughts make sense! And this was a round about way of saying most of us haven’t won the millions tonight but there we go. I may buy a ticket at the weekend though. Just in case.

How DoYou Define Love?

This week I said goodbye…..

A short blog today….

This week I said goodbye to my beloved father.  I loved him dearly and miss him very much.

I have been lucky to have been embraced by my wonderful family and friends and the love between us all has been incredible.

 We try and cope with life’s sadnesses as best we can, and when times are really bleak we can be truly touched by acts of kindness from ordinary, yet extraordinary people.

From the young guy in the coffee shop who, on learning of my trouble, rushed over with a piece of cake and a kind word and told me to call in anytime I felt like I needed a chat, to the elderly and infirm neighbours of my dad’s who struggled out to pay their respects; to the guys next door who I have only just got to know and who embraced me with a loving hug when I was standing in the road in tears; and to the countless people on the end of the phone lines who didn’t know me, but did their best when I was trying to sort out paperwork, and to the lady who served my dad at the post office counter every week and who referred to him as a perfect and kindly gentleman, my spirits have been truly lifted.

For anyone else going through a bereavement, my thoughts are with you.

A very good friend sent me this message:

Maybe we feel we lose, but this is only in our perception. Nothing gets lost, it just changes form. I am with you’.

 

13F847B7-F282-4BC9-921C-2395AABE0ED7

As the sun goes down in one part of the world, it rises in another.

 

The Shadow of the ‘Worry Monster’.

Sometimes, a little light is all you need…

When I started my blog a few years ago now, it was intended to be quite generalised. It was about pursuing the gentler path in life and concentrating on kindness and compassion, and I guess, the twists and turns we all experience in everyday life.  These topics are still close to my heart and I will write about them from time to time; life throws up all sorts of weird and wonderful things at us and there will always be new subjects to ponder on! Sometimes we need a bit of humour too to send us on our way!

One thing I have noticed, though, is the feedback that comes from my comments on anxiety. It seems, unfortunately, that many of us suffer from anxious times and there is a real need for ongoing support and backup for those battling with anxiety. Because of this I want to concentrate mainly on this topic for the foreseeable future.

If I can reach out to any of you who need support then I feel my words are doing their job. It’s amazing to think that with all the help at our disposal, we still need good, down to earth support. And it is ongoing. Anxious feeling may come and go. We are not suddenly cured from having unsettling feelings no matter how good the counsellors or the gurus we turn to. Sometimes, other occurrences in our lives just tip the balance between feeling ok to feeling unstable and miserable. Then, we can get despondent too and ask ourselves how we are going to cope with the latest situation that has cropped up. The lurking ‘worry monster’ is difficult to shake off. He doesn’t have much else to do but hover in the background. I feel sorry for him really – he doesn’t really have a life. You do! Once you meet him head on he will shrivel, trust me.

What we have to remember is this: ‘Sometimes, just a little bit of light is all you need’. We can take strength from so many places if we reach out and look for it. Be open. Be open to people – it makes a difference to how they treat you. Be honest. Say you aren’t feeling your best. Don’t give masses of detail. I find you don’t need to. Sometimes, less is more. Just tell who you are dealing with at the time that you aren’t having the best of days. You would be amazed how people can push aside their own ‘stuff’ and give you their kind attention. Most people are genuine and will do all they can to help you, but you have to give them a chance. Find your inner voice somehow. Be brave and help will come to you in spades.

I do appreciate that everyone has different issues going on. I have had a bereavement this week and it has taken all my power just to keep going. But I do keep going somehow. Going through the motions of everyday life helps. I say this countless times, but it does really help. However bad you feel (unless you are physically incapacitated) keep to the simple routines and try and get some things done, however small. It will help and give you a feeling of achievement when you can tick off a few things on your ‘to do’ list.

Funnily enough though, I will add this here: don’t worry too much about standards. This is something I struggle with. I have always felt appearances are important. Makeup on, hair done, house tidy, fridge full of food etc. But, here’s the thing. You can give in a bit! Let a few things go – it’s not the end of the world if you are not looking pristine! Friends may even quite like to see you not quite at your best, it shows you are human. I’m not talking totally let yourself go, but just cut yourself a bit of slack. Sop worrying what people think! They are busy with their own lives; they may love you but they still have their own stuff going on and they are not sitting there thinking you have gone to pot. (Unless you really have, in which case if they are a good friend they are on their way round right now!)

So this week I ask you to focus on this. You are loved. Honestly you are. You may be feeling bad but someone cares, really cares about you, even if you don’t feel it to be true. Get out a piece of paper. Doodle a bit. Make a pretty border. Leaves, bows, swirls, whatever. In the centre of the paper, write this is your best handwriting : ‘You are loved’. Use some coloured pencils if you have them. Be fancy. Then put your picture in a prominent place and look at if often. I promise you, it will help.

11FE0A3A-4600-4EEF-9A12-2FBD51926ED1

So, this week. Leave the ‘worry monster’out in the cold. Do not feed him no matter how much he badgers you! Whatever is going on, if you feel bad, talk to someone who cares. Or look up online help sites if you need to. Or see your doctor if you are worried about anything. Ask and it will be given.

     ‘When the north wind blows, And your world is grey, My friendly heart hears all you say. Call my name, In your darkest night, I’ll find a way to bring you light. And if your world Is tumbling down, I’ll wrap you in a cosy gown. I’ll feed you soup , And bring you wine, For your life is a part of mine’. 

                                       (C) Lyn Halvorsen

What Can our Past Tell Us?

My blog is reflective this week, but as I write I am thinking about the importance of enjoying the smaller things in life, for they are often the most important….

The past is somewhere we can walk with our memories. Never with our footsteps..

Mimi Novic

This week has been rather strange and unsettling.

I have spent a lot of time over the last ten days sitting at my Father’s bedside as he has struggled with ill health. For most of us, this sort of situation fills us with all sorts of emotions and fears. To see a loved one suffering, especially someone who has been your parent, the one you have looked up to and who, previously was the one to look after you, is hard. Being in a hospital environment for any length of time soon reminds us that life is very tenuous and can change in the blink of an eye. Emerging from a particularly long visit it is hard to readjust to the outside world and it is strange seeing people going about their everyday lives.

It is interesting that last weekend I had a message out of the blue from an old school friend who wanted to contact on Facebook – a new group had been set up for those of us who had attended the school in Somerset back in the late 60’s. Once we had connected we started catching up on news, and messages were going to and fro for an hour or so. This set up a chain of events and more and more old friends joined in with new messages. As with any of these situations, there was news of how well some people had done, how some had drifted away and some had sadly died. Photos were posted and comments made about how well we had aged , (or not, as the case may be!) It was all interesting stuff and good to reconnect with people you hadn’t thought about for years, but it is very strange when one feels the years roll back and you revert back to being a teenager for a while in your mind. This for me, set me thinking about life and the passing of time. How can it be that so many years have passed and so much has happened along the way? How has it happened almost in the blinking of an eye?

             ‘Alice: How long is forever?

             White Rabbit : Sometimes, just one second.’

It is quite fitting in a way that these thoughts and memories from my past have occurred in the same week as my Father’s illness. It is almost as though the Universe is suggesting I look back a bit and perhaps take some comfort from earlier times. But does our personal history determine what happens in our lives now I wonder? I guess we are the writers of our own stories and the directors of our own lives. If we live in the past too much we are replaying the same old scenarios in our minds when we need to move forward from the energy of past events and into the now. Whatever our history, whatever mistakes or failure we have experienced, we are different people now but the good memories hopefully stay forever.

My blog is short and reflective this week – but as I write I am thinking about the importance of enjoying the smaller things in life, for they are often the most important – small everyday kindnesses, catching up with family and telling them you love them, not worrying about trivia and also not worrying about the big, worldwide situations you can’t change, no matter how much you want to.

I’d like to think about continuity too. I can take comfort from the contacts from the past because those long lost friends were responsible for making me the person I am now, even if in a small way. And, most importantly, when I look at my Father’s frail hands as he clasps mine, I feel the connection to my childhood days, and the times he lifted me with those same hands, high into the air to jump the waves on Polzeath beach.

  ‘But somewhere, running through your veins, The fragment of past life remains, And in future children, one day you’ll see, That somewhere, there’s a trace of me.’

5FCF37A2-62B9-4A03-8AEC-10A8F3E2E2D1