More thoughts on Anxiety.

I recently wrote some posts about anxiety. Because anxiety seems to be so commonplace in people’s lives at the moment, or at least I seem to have come across a lot of people suffering from it, I wanted to write down some more thoughts about the subject. I am well aware that different approaches work for different people and I am not qualified to dispense medical advice, I can only write from personal experience and give some insights I have gained from others. I hope there may be something here that may help a little if you are finding yourself going through anxious times.

Anxiety takes many forms and can shape your thought processes and decisions. It is thought to be related to the biological fight or flight response to feeling threatened. It can become a problem if it is accompanied by panic attacks or anxiety about things which are part of everyday life.

Anxiety isn’t rational. It’s not just an amplified version of what is worrying you. It’s more than that. Sometimes you don’t know what sets it off. Some days you can cope with life and others you just don’t want to know. A lot of people think anxiety is nothing more than a similar feeling you get before giving a presentation at work or an actor having first night nerves; it may be a bit like that at times, but often its more long lasting and doesn’t decrease as it would when events like the above are over. Some of the symptoms are palpitations, wanting to escape form your surroundings, fear you may lose control of thoughts or actions, racing heart, nausea, insomnia and nervousness.

Anxiety can strike anyone and people from all walks of life. It doesn’t really matter what your circumstances are, what background you come from, whether you are in a happy relationship or alone, hold down a high powered job or are unemployed, well-off or hard up. It can creep up on anyone and sometimes it is just unexplained.

There are many ways of coping with anxiety and different ones work for different people. One thing I have noticed is that friends and family often want to find a solution for you and a reason for why this is happening to you. That’s fine but there are times you don’t want to listen to solutions and you don’t particularly want to have the reasons described. You just want to get through the day. And all you really want is for someone to say ‘It’s okay’ or ‘you will get through this’ and ‘I am here for you. I love you’. With empathy and support you can cope so much better. Remember – just because a condition is given a label it doesn’t necessarily mean it solves the problem in your head.

Here are some tips about what not to do when you are battling with anxiety:

Do not watch the news.

Do not under any circumstances look up the condition you are worried you have on the internet. I promise you the information you find will scare you and often the stuff you read is not accurate. Trust me on this. I have been there!

Don’t overdose on caffeine and be careful with alcohol consumption – hangovers are debilitating at the best of times but if you are feeling vulnerable they can make anxiety levels worse.

Do not become a couch potato – you will feel much better if you go outside and walk/ take exercise.

Don’t have very late nights. Lack of sleep makes anxiety worse. Even if you suffer from insomnia- get to bed early and get as much sleep as you can. At the same time, rather than lay tossing and turning, get up for a while and make a milky drink (cows milk or an alternative like almond milk if you don’t like dairy) Then try and get back to sleep again.

Don’t eat junk and sugary foods. Avoid any foods that trigger your anxiety and cause headaches like cheese and yeast extract. Acid producing food and drinks can make you jittery ie. processed meats and sodas,  whilst alkaline foods can be more calming, ie. vegetables and most fruits, beans and lentils.

If you are trying to help someone with anxiety , here are a few things to remember:

Often someone in an anxious state comes across as distant or uncaring but this is not how they are inside – they are feeling bad and preoccupied and may not realise how they appear to others. It doesn’t mean they don’t love or care about you.

Don’t say their worries are silly or unfounded. They are very real to them!

They may appreciate your help but not you trying to change them. You cannot know how they are feeling inside.

Never say ‘pull yourself together!’ (I’m sure you wouldn’t !)

For those suffering from anxiety, getting through the day is the important thing.

When you are in a situation that is causing you to feel anxious  – for example, worrying you might be late for an appointment, or losing your keys, ask yourself what would be the worst thing that could happen? Most things can be overcome even if they upset us at the time and cause an inconvenience. You will find most people are helpful if you are stuck in a minor predicament. Try and reach out and have a lighthearted approach- it is amazing how this will help an awkward situation and make you feel more optimistic.

Even in more serious situations that would make most people anxious, you will be surprised how you will often find help and sympathy from unexpected people or places.

Remember, anxiety doesn’t define you.

Have a small item that you find comforting and keep it with you. I have a few words on a scrap of paper in my handbag written by my late mother – it reads : ‘To my lovely girl -be happy. You will never know how much I love you. Love Mum.x ‘  To know you are loved or have been loved is more than uplifting. It is at the core of everything.

YOU are loved. Yes you are – even if you doubt it.

Blessings to you.

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Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength ‘

                                                                                                 Charles Spurgeon

 

 

 

What Does Home Mean to You?

I put a post on Instagram (thehappyscribe) this morning  about home. It seemed popular and so I started thinking about home and what it means to me.

The route to where I live now has been a long and sometimes winding road! ( Had to use that  – The Long and Winding Road is one of my most favourite songs). For someone who’s home and surroundings are one of the most important things in life, moving several times over the last few years has been unsettling and at times traumatic. Several times I have had to pack and unpack my treasured and various possessions, some of which have become more battered and forlorn which each and every move. But with my footsteps still echoing in a bare and empty room, when I started unwrapping a well-loved piece of china or a cosy threadbare throw, the look and feel of these familiar things seemed to bring immediate comfort. As my home has scaled down in size progressively with each and every move, my belongings have had to be pared down accordingly, but some precious things remain, like the beautiful wooden chest decorated with painted birds, and the pretty gothic shaped mirror given to me by my elder son, and the chalkboard with the words ‘I love you mum’, and a picture of a jug of flowers, both drawn and  painted by my  younger son. They go with me everywhere.

Life has twists and turns; we end up in unexpected places. But once we make our mark on a house, wherever it is, it turns into home. Home is where hearts are sure of each other; a place where you know your way in the dark.

‘The house shows the owner’.              George Herbert (1593-1633)

As we approach Autumn, the cosiness and warmth of home seems to be more important than ever; we yearn to brush off the chill of the day, to hasten homeward in the misty, dusky light, turn on the lights and curl up in front of the fire with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate.

“In happy homes he saw the light of household fires gleam warm and bright’.

Henry Wandsworth Longfellow 1807-82

We all need a place that we can call home: a place to rest, recharge our batteries and sometimes retreat from the outside world for a while. Whether we are a large family or just one person, our home reveals in all its artefacts ( those precious keepsakes, and the everyday and  ordinary and extraordinary things that surround us) the story of us, and of who we are. We may think that style and inventiveness, as well as hard work and money, are what is needed to transform a house or an apartment, and it’s true, those things help create the space we yearn for. But what really matters is that we creat a place of security, a place of love and warmth, where children and grandchildren can grow and turn to, especially when the outside world seems to be creating stresses and strains.

The place we call home needs to keep peace within its boundaries, welcome within its walls, shelter for its friends, and a cake in the larder.

So when you feel unsettled, have to move house or change your surroundings for whatever reason, remember  that home is where you and your loved ones are – it is not dependent on fancy fixtures and fittings, palaces and mansions, but on you and the people you love, and in the cosy place where you gather together.

‘And a single small cottage, A nest like a dove’s, The only dwelling on earth that she loves’.                             William Wordsworth (1770-1850)

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Moving on From Anxiety…

I wrote about anxiety last week, and how it can affect us in so many ways – from the way we sound and appear,  to how we can be affected physically. Even when we deal well with anxiety the anxious thoughts still sometimes hover and wait in the wings – waiting for the guard to drop and the mindfulness to lose its helpful grip for a while. If, like me, you spend a lot of time reading about self-help and enlightenment you will know what I mean when I say that mindfulness and reaching that absolute place of understanding where we ‘get it’ and nothing can bother us any more is definitely an ongoing process which needs constant monitoring! (Although, if you have ‘got it’ you may well disagree with me…actually, you probably won’t be reading this anyway, you will be somewhere on cloud nine.)

I can’t recall a time in the past when there was so much helpful information readily available to us on the subject of self-help and spiritual fitness. It’s a good thing. It’s a great and empowering thing. There is something for all of us, whether we lean toward religious solace, a more healthy body and mind, spiritual advancement, meditation, yoga, finding the best retreat, positivity workshops…… I could go on…..

The benefit in all this help and information is huge. With all the help at our disposal we will find something we really find beneficial for sure. We will, sooner or later, have our own particular author or life-style guru who really speaks to us and shows us a way forward when we need it from time to time.

I was a nurse for many years, and I can think of countless times when I had to dig deep and give comfort. To be able to reach out and support people in times of tremendous need was of utmost importance, especially when busy and working in a stressful environment. I hope I gave my best. Mostly I feel I did. But it would have been good to have had more helpful ways of releasing the tension after a busy shift than going to the pub around the corner from the hospital!  Maybe I wasn’t ready then to read the books that would have been helpful – perhaps I was finding my own way then and gaining experience in life. It is said that the teacher comes when the pupil is ready.

And I think it is good to remind ourselves sometimes that simple acts of kindness are within us all. To remember that inherent wisdom and  compassion is deep within us, even embedded in our DNA. We are braver and wiser than we think. Mindfulness and deep thinking has been around far longer than we have . Self-help is not really new. Ancient philosophers had figured out life over 2,000 years ago. Quotes from so long ago never cease to amaze me and make me realise that everything changes yet nothing changes!

No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.’         Heraclitus (lived around 500 years BC in Ephesus.)

Like many big thinkers, Heraclitus was born wealthy in a city, but lived in the woods to contemplate the universe.

The sage ” is ready to use all situations and doesn’t waste anything. This is called embodying the light.”

Lao Tzu alive around 600 BC in China.

The Lao Tzu started Taoism 2,500 years ago in China. He was legendary – Lao Tzu really just means ‘old man’ and nobody knows who he actually was. He certainly made a big impression! More importantly, he left us the ‘Tao Te Ching” which is full of ancient wisdom.

To rank the effort above the prize may be called love.”        Confucius, alive in China around 500 BC.

Confucius is probably the most influential person in Chinese history. He emphasised what we today call grit: finding the value in trying and not just arriving.

The unexamined life is not worth living.”         Socrates Lived in Athens around 450 BC

Socrates embodied the fundamental spirit of Western thought that you have the responsibility of being in charge of your own life.

Perhaps the most beautiful words of all ;

  “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.

Rumi, poet born 1207

So today we are lucky with the resources we have  – both the old and the new.  We may just need to remind ourselves to open our hearts to new learning. To rid ourselves of negative thoughts and change our thinking so we can move forward with positivity and embrace change whilst learning also from the past. Nothing, and I mean nothing that is good is ever lost even when it is centuries old.

As human beings we will always be searching for a newer, better and easier way to find fulfillment. Next time your heart is a little heavy, just remember there is always a way forward. And as I have said before, if you are anxious you are not alone. You can take comfort from the fact that for centuries we have yearned to find new wisdom and ways to help us move forward and probably will for centuries to come. And we have survived.

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Anxious days and sounding like the Queen….

There has been a lot going on in Dove Lane this week – mainly on the work front. I am ghostwriting a book at the moment and have also been writing articles for various magazines. It is all challenging and exciting stuff and certainly keeps my brain active. I love what I do and consider myself very lucky. That said, the world keeps turning and all the other aspects of life need my attention from time to time.

Here’s the thing – I listen to and follow so much advice from my various favourite lifestyle gurus  – you know, the ones who speak calmly at us through our headphones and lead us to believe that we only have to meditate every day, visualise our dreams and stay in a good calm place to have the world sussed out, that I find myself questioning why some days I don’t feel better than I do. I have always been one to worry a bit about things although I have perfected the art of putting on a brave face, and there are still days when I wake up feeling quite fearful.

On these such days out come the oil burners, the ‘spiritual fitness’ (soothing) music goes on and the pack of Angel cards are both thoroughly shuffled and read for inspiration and reassurance. I may even consume the healthiest breakfast I can manage, overflowing with the juiciest blueberries and sprinkled with turmeric powder. Antioxidants and super foods are the way of course. Often too I head for the woods to commune with nature. Being outside always helps, and worries and cares never seem so overpowering. So then I face the day with renewed optimism. Probably for ten minutes. Then I remember I have to send a recorded voice message to a client which I rehearse to be sure it sounds professional. I send said message. So why do I sound like the Queen on a bad day? Where has my normal voice escaped to? Why does nervousness, when it takes over, alter all our regular actions and allow them to be feeble or peculiar, or even frankly, embarrassing. (Anyone who has experienced the jerky/shaky head movements can probably sympathise with me here). Okay. Time for a reality check, or actually, maybe an UN – reality check, for what is real and what is imagined here? I realise I am looking too far ahead, visualising all the things that could go wrong but probably won’t. I have lost my perspective and even my gratitude. Gratitude for the day I have been given, and which I am wasting with negative thinking.

One thing I am now teaching myself is to be present. Be where I am and not where my anxiety wants to take me. I remind myself that an anxious mind is actually a strong mind, as anyone who has tried to rationalise themselves out of being anxious will tell you. Anxiety exists in all of us at times – we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t experience it occasionally, and of course, it is primarily there to keep us out of danger and to strengthen us if we harness it in the right way. But of course, being on high alert all the time is not good for us, and can become obtrusive. So I remind myself I can be bigger than the anxiety; stronger and more resilient. I won’t fight anxious thoughts but tell myself I have no need for them today. I am comfortable and safe and I am okay. If I accept I am sometimes anxious it doesn’t have such a grip on me and it loses energy.

We can read all the information we can get our hands on. Some days it helps and we find a nugget of wisdom that really shines like a beacon and has a profound effect, other days not so much. Maybe those are the days we should watch a ‘feelgood’ film or eat a box of chocolates – well okay, maybe not a whole box. But at least there is lot of help out there if we embrace it. And there is one thing I urge you to think about if you suffer from anxiety:  you are not alone. The ‘self-help’ industry is huge. There are gurus everywhere – we could probably each have our own personal one there are so many,  – so remember, many of us are searching for help and many of us want to use our own experiences to help others. There is always room for a new way of looking at things, and new ideas. Techniques we laughed at yesterday could be the most beneficial and accepted way of helping us tomorrow.

Talking about laughter, humour is the best way for me in dealing with anxious situations. It’s not easy to be funny or feel amused on demand but trying to look on the funny side helps.  I always think saying we should love ourselves sounds particularly cheesy, but if we do, then we can look upon a bit of laughter as a good way of healing, and not beating ourselves up when we feel low. Laughter scares depression and activates happy feelings, and we as humans are wired to respond positively to laughter and smiles. So there we can tell ourselves that we are at least helping others if we wear a smile.

So next time I hear myself sounding like Her Majesty I will smile and make the most of it. By doing that I will probably relax and return to being my normal self too!

Below is a rather random sketch of mine. Here for no other reason than to make you smile (I like him anyway!)

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A Jaunty Fellow to Cheer You…..

 

Do Not Lose This Day…

 

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.’
-Lao Tzu

When the fast lane is slowing us down

It is easy to become ‘stuck’. Life ticks on. We go to work, do what we have to do, and get through the day. We get stressed sometimes; we are stuck in the fast lane but there is too much on the ‘to do’ list. We get caught up in a cycle; when we are at work, we fantasise about being on vacation, on vacation we worry about the work piling up on our desks at home. We feel as though we are hurtling along when in fact we are slowly losing sight of what we really want. We are comfortable with what we do but we are not particularly excited or fulfilled by it. If we are entrenched in a routine we can lose focus and that can mean we do not work to fulfil our full potential; we may become complacent. I often think of the phrase ‘the enemy of the good is the better’. This may sound strange when you first read it, but think about it – when things are going reasonably well are you tempted to sit back and relax rather than ask yourself how they can be improved or advanced even more? If we say we are happy for now, this means we miss out on so much more that is there for us. If we follow random stars and pick up mixed signals and information as we go through life, we may never know which path we want to follow. We fear getting older, yet we can amble along for a good part of our life until suddenly we have reached a senior age and find ourselves looking back down the years wishing we had done more with the time we had.

How do we lose sight of the best along the way? Why do some people die with their music still in them? Most of us don’t set out to squander our time or our days but often that is what happens when we get on the treadmill. We do it for the best of reasons. When we are young we feel that we have so much time ahead of us – we can follow our dreams someday, but first we have to finish our education, get a good job, find a partner we love, maybe start a family. That all can be wonderful, and if we find a lifelong partner we are happy with and who shares the same hopes and desires as we do, we are already a long way toward getting things right. But if we spend a great proportion of time trying to establish ourselves, and are motivated by ambition, then that often means we may neglect our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. We are surrounded by relentless testing and huge competition in life; social media dominates our lives and not always to our advantage. Yet science is working for us, for our benefit and for a good future. There are opportunities for us to work towards an amazing future and abundant living, we just need to take time to see them.

Fear of failure

Even if we have dreams we are often bound up with fear. Fear of what others will think about us; fear of a brave new plan going wrong; even fear of success. If we think about it, we all have heroes and people we admire and look up to, people we wish we could be like. We may quietly think to ourselves ‘it’s okay for them, they had a better start in life’, or, ‘they were lucky, they were in the right place at the right time’, but we would still like to be like them. But none of us are perfect, not even superheroes. Everyone of us has flaws, and dark moments late at night when we worry about what will happen tomorrow. But those who succeed have managed to maximise their one or two strengths and stopped focusing on their weaknesses. Everyone has fought or still fights their own battles and their own demons. The truth is, our heroes we look up to are no different to us, they just tend to handle life differently. That is marvellously encouraging as it means we can just as easily reach our new goals and aspirations as the next person.

At the very end of our life would we want to look back at missed ideas that could have evolved from our potential and proved invaluable? Nurse Bonnie Ware spent time caring for dying people for more than twenty years and wrote a book about their regrets. She found five sentences that were repeated and spoke of missed opportunities. The sentences were:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feeling.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
( The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – Hay House March 2012)
I have referred to this book several times, but no matter how many times I read this section I never fail to be moved by the list of regrets and each time they resonate anew.
So how did we get to where we are now? What has made us the person we have become?

Back to the beginning

When we are born we enter this world as totally helpless human beings. As we evolved our brains became bigger so nature had to compensate for this; for the female body to accommodate a full term baby and be able to give birth naturally, we were programmed to enter the world before we were able to fend for ourselves, unlike the rest of the animal world. At the time of birth only 28% of our brain is formed. As we grow so does our brain; it grows rapidly, and the capacity for learning is astounding, but twelve to fourteen years must pass before a human being can satisfactorily care for himself and function independently of his parents. Therefore we grow up programmed by people who can only teach us what they themselves have learned and believe. I am not saying that this is always a bad thing; only that we are governed in our early years by the facts we are given from our nearest source. We become dependant on others and are influenced by what others think about us and what they perceive to be advantageous for us. If we are lucky, we will be raised by parents who encourage us to think for ourselves and who do not object if we follow our own chosen path. Every human is born totally unique; born with an unmistakeable genetic fingerprint, with different cells, patterns and chemistry. But do we remember that when we try to conform and follow the crowd? If we try and fit in with someone else’s plan for us we will not always be happy.

Why are you thinking that?

Early man learned by trial and error. There were no instruction manuals to follow and no technology to tap into. A lot of the traits the early man developed are still present in us today. If we think about the ‘fight and flight’ mechanism we can see how necessary it was when being chased by a saber- tooth tiger as it was clearly a matter of life and death, but at times of stress in the modern day, we may still deploy this same mechanism and it can be present constantly, using so much adrenaline that it can lead us to suffer from adrenal fatigue. Normal mechanisms become completely exhausted leading to lack of energy, ‘brain fog’, depression and constant fatigue. We are not now using the mechanism of ‘fight or flight’ for preserving our lives, our modern lifestyle does not allow us to run away from stressful situations, both physically and mentally . Our ancestors were keen to improve but they also had to learn how to control their fear and increase their awareness levels. The earliest men must have thought that the vivid lightening flash and the rolling voice of thunder that followed it were the anger of the gods, especially when they saw other men struck and killed by lightening. It wasn’t until centuries later that scientific studies showed it to be a gigantic electric spark. For some, though, that primeval fear remains, as fear can transcend many generations.
If we compare different attitudes we can see how thought patterns and approaches dictate the way we live and appear to others. Again, if we are fearful, our judgement is coloured when we make decisions. The fear of something going wrong holds us back from participating in pursuits we would secretly like to try, but when we do push ourselves to try something new and exciting we are usually rewarded with great feelings of satisfaction and wish we had tried it sooner.
People often think someone is brave to give up a thriving career, turn their back on riches and start something new which will offer more fulfilment; but is it brave to follow your heart, or just natural? Maybe it is more brave to stay in a job you hate just to keep a lifestyle going.
We know of Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe as a German poet, playwright and novelist, but he also had many other talents, including being a painter, statesman, educator and naturalist philosopher. He was hugely creative and lived a very full and energetic life. This selection from Faust is one of the most frequently quoted passages in terms of self-improvement and I would like to include it here:

LOSE THIS DAY LOITERING
Lose this day loitering – ‘twill be the same story
To-morrow – and the next more dilatory;
Each indecision brings its own delays,
And days are lost lamenting o’er lost days.
Are you in earnest ? Seize this very minute-
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Only engage, and then the mind grows heated-
Begin it, and then the work will be completed!
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
(1749 – 1832).
Translated by John Anster

This is an incredibly powerful piece of literature, it illustrates so completely, the idea of boldness. It tells us how, if we loiter today, and again tomorrow, we will soon end up lamenting lost days. It speaks for living for the moment. Each day is a gift; it doesn’t have to follow a rigid timetable; it doesn’t necessarily matter what pattern it follows, we just need to be sure it HAS mattered.

Living in the moment

So we need to teach ourselves to live more in the moment. Living in the moment – also called mindfulness – is a state of active , open, intentional living, whilst focusing on the present. In this mindful state, we realise we are not just our thoughts but an observer of our thoughts which means we can observe our thoughts without judging them. We need not grasp them or push them away. Instead of letting our lives go by without living them, we can awaken to experience . Sometimes we need to plan ahead, but if we spend too much time planning we can miss out on enjoying the days we have now; however, if we view tomorrow as an observer, we can relinquish thoughts of pride and let go of our ego. We are more likely to have a calm and optimistic view of the future. We can let go of negative thoughts and separate ourselves from the outcome. We can view the world differently.

An Interconnected Universe

How many times do we get an inclination something is about to happen just before it does; or a deep feeling we can’t explain? It is the collective, interlocking, energy field that we are tapping in to; the ever- moving energy fields of life. If we learn to work with these feelings we can be empowered to manifest our potential, and join with the world at large. We will all benefit. It is interesting to that note than many individuals around the world who have worked independently without the knowledge of each other, have often made the same discoveries at practically the same time. There is no obvious explanation for this, just a dawning realisation that there is a collective energy field which we can respond to in a positive way.
In this interconnected universe, every improvement we make in our own world improves not only our own lives but that of others. All positive acts we partake in find a way of coming back to us in one way or another to benefit us, even years later. Kindness towards one’s self and all living things always leaves a lasting effect, spreading out like ripples in a pond.
Once we hear amazing news it is as though we have been given permission to be a part of it. When Roger Bannister ran the four minute mile – a feat that was previously thought to be impossible- we heard of dozens of other athletes doing the same within a year. Now, as then, limits are constantly being expanded.
What makes a writer wake in the middle of the night, suddenly awake with the words of a song running through his mind? He rushes to pen to paper and writes the words that echo in the minds of many for years to come. His talent has burst through the surface of his awareness, as if out of nowhere. The writer has been moved to write a powerful song; he has channelled the energy from the collective vibrations around him.
Sometimes we can walk into a room and feel uncomfortable, the air seems thick with anxiety and tension. We can imagine the tension building and boiling over, perhaps giving way to a violent outburst. Likewise, we know what it feels like when we enter a space filled with warmth and peaceful vibrations. Both these feelings and emotions cannot be seen, yet that greatly affect us. When we consciously focus mindful energy together, simultaneously seeking positive outcomes, we can alter our future.

If we stop and evaluate our lives and where we are now, we CAN look forward to progressing rather than being stuck where we are. Life doesn’t have to be full of regrets and what if’s. And it is never too late to change. There is so much out there for us and our world. So much is possible for us if we are prepared. Prepared to be willing and willing to be prepared. We can embrace a new way of ‘being’ whatever our age or place in life.

So let go – and let yourself be you, and enjoy every sunset!

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Thank you for the music .

Last night some kind friends took us to a concert. It was a tribute act for Billy Fury. (A great and popular singer in the sixties and seventies who left us way too soon.) The backing group and main singer took to the stage and were applauded politely by the (rather senior) audience. The show got underway – telling the story of the life of Billy Fury through song and with movie reels, and was both enjoyable and moving – reminding us of an era which is gone but not forgotten.

Whilst sitting in the auditorium listening and reminiscing, I started thinking about time; about what happened to the intervening years that took me from being a wannabe flower child to a mature woman with nine grandchildren! And how did some of the pop stars with often risqué performances I revered in my youth become sensible chaps with cardigans?

Time slips by as we all know. As we are often told, we need to treasure every moment. Sometimes life throws a spanner in the works but I do my best to enjoy life and be thankful for so many of the wonderful blessings I have been given. Ageing can be something some us struggle to come to terms with and I can only hope that I face it with grace and fortitude but also that life treats me kindly.

I recently watched a program tracing the lives of people who have died and left no known relatives. The programme is always very poignant and I watch as various  lives unfold on the screen – sometimes they are people who have not had anyone to care for them or no living relatives, sometimes they feature people who have lived a reclusive life or fallen on hard times. The feeling of loneliness and sadness seems to prevail; yet often the people are highly spoken of by those who had looked after or met the people concerned. Sometimes distant relatives are traced and express sadness or remorse for not having had contact with them. But sometimes the people concerned seemingly had no one in the world to call their own. A heartbreaking thought. One particular lady who had died had lived for some time in a care home. The staff spoke kindly of her and mentioned that they sometimes took the inpatients on a trip out. Whenever this particular lady was asked where she would like to go she always chose the local garden centre. She loved plants and would bring some back and plant them in the garden at the care home. She was a lovely lady by all accounts and yet seemed to have no friends or relatives who visited. I often think about her when I go to the garden centre now and I wish I could have known her.  I like to think her memory lives on in a lovely flower garden somewhere.

It is always good when someone leaves a legacy, be it small or large, flowers or music, love and gentleness.  So I say : ‘Thank you for the flowers. Thank you for the music,’ to those who have gone before.

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Blessings to you.

 

Pull Yourself Together Nurse!

There has been so much in the news lately about our emergency services, our hospital workers, medics, fireman and all the heroes we couldn’t possibly do without. Should they have a pay rise – excuse me? Should they have a pay rise – of course we know the answer to that!

I thought it may be interesting this week to interview a nurse who trained in the 1970’s!

What made you decide to become a nurse?

I had wanted to become a nurse ever since I can remember. I never thought about doing anything else. To me the dream of becoming a nurse was always with me. I devoured every book about nursing I could get my hands on, and I loved a program around at the time called ‘Emergency Ward 10’. I think the thought of wearing a nurses uniform, especially the iconic cloak criss-crossed at the front, played a part in my ambition to tread the wards! And of course, it was in my heart to care for people.

How easy was it to be accepted for training?

Not that easy! Mainly because my careers advisor at school was affiliated to the local shirt factory and his main mission in life was to recruit young girls to work there. He was convinced nursing would be too tough for me and gave me no help at all. Not to be deterred I applied to a teaching hospital in Bristol and was accepted. It’s strange, because I was very shy and quiet, but I found determination from somewhere!

Did you settle in well to your new life away from home?

No! I was very homesick and at just eighteen years of age and having never been away from home before, it was a big shock to the system! The nurse’s home where I had lodgings was a former mental hospital – an austere,  grey brick building situated on the outskirts of the city. We were bussed  in to the hospital every day, or night if we were on night shift, – quite a sight with thirty or so ‘angels’ as we were sometimes called, all seated in rows with starched caps on.

But you settled in eventually?

Yes, I did settle eventually but it did take a while. There was so much to learn and the hours were long and arduous. Also, we had to learn to cope with life and death at a relatively young age. There is nothing like being left alone in the middle of the night looking after a ward full of sick patients to concentrate the mind!

What do you think of now when you look back?

I remember so many of my patients to this day. Laughing with them and crying with them. I remember the bond with my fellow nurses; the times you had to laugh in dire circumstances otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to cope. I remember collapsing in helpless giggles during a practical exam when an arm fell off the dummy patient – ‘Nurse! You may have killed the patient  – go back to your seat and pull yourself together!’ I remember wistfully watching friends who weren’t nurses going out at weekends to enjoy themselves whilst I was invariably working. I remember some of the dishy doctors walking around importantly in their flapping white coats. I remember being told we could only have three inches of water in our baths at the nurse’s home so as not to be wasteful. I remember being constantly hungry and the awful hospital food. I remember the weirdness of eating gristly beef casserole at breakfast after coming off night duty. I remember bossy ward sisters who made us tremble with fear as they entered the ward. I remember a lot of unfairness and petty rules and a fellow nurse running off in despair when being reprimanded for pinching a sausage from the kitchen. I remember kindness too. Doctors crushed with tiredness after being on call for many hours and still managing to tenderly lift an elderly lady up who had fallen out of bed. I remember the commaraderie when working in the accident and emergency department at night – the policeman coming in to share a cup of coffee and have a quick game of cards during a rare quiet spell in the early hours.

Would you still become a nurse if you had the time again?

That’s a tough one. I like to think I would as it taught me so much about life and I wouldn’t  have encountered so many deep experiences anywhere else.  Also I met my husband during my training. But honestly, when you hear that nurses are leaving in droves to work abroad now it shows how demoralised nurses are and I’m not sure I would want to work under the difficult and strained conditions.

So how do you view the profession today?

I haven’t worked in hospital for a good while now so it is difficult to judge first hand.  All I can say from what I’ve noticed when visiting people is that a lot of nurses do their  best but time issues and understaffing mean that a lot of the caring side of nursing seems to have disappeared to the detriment of the patients. Back in the sixties and seventies it wasn’t perfect, but the wards were kept scrupulously clean; wards were often ruled with a rod of iron, but there was order. There was plenty of clean laundry, a ward clerk on every ward and most importantly, patients were not sent home until they were fit to be discharged. Sadly I have had first hand experience that shows this isn’t always the case now. I would still say though, that there are a lot of wonderful and caring nurses out there who do their very best under difficult circumstances.

A poem about Night Duty!

Please don’t run nurse

And please turn off the light,

Your patient may be getting worse

But it’s the middle of the night.

Call the doctor to attend

The latest emergency case

Then go and lay the trolley up,

And sterilise the place.

Make sure all the patients

Are safely in their beds,

I’ll be coming round to check

That they have had their meds.

And be sure to know every name

And diagnosis too,

Of every patient in your care,

Or I’ll be reporting you.

Write up the notes before morning,

Make the porridge and the tea,

Get everybody washes and fed

Then report back to me.

Go home and get some sleep

You’ve got six more nights ahead,

So get used to working extra hard,

While your friends are home in bed.

(c) Lyn Halvorsen

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