Learning To Love Your Scars…

Sometimes all it takes to change things is a shift in perspective.

As I was out walking today I looked at the trees as I often tend to do. I thought about time and how long some of the old oak trees must have been growing there. I noticed that the old and gnarled trees had a certain beauty and graciousness about them; they had stood the test of time.

Beauty is a concept that is often revered for the wrong reasons – the reasons why it matters and what it means. Often parts of life aren’t beautiful – they are marred by anguish, trauma or pain. When we think of beauty we may visualise glossy magazines, fabulous homes with perfect interiors or top models gracing the catwalk. We think of something that can be prized or given awards.

But I have learned not to see beauty that way. I have learned to accept my scars and even see beauty in them. Just like my trees they show I have survived my various battles.

Some scars are visible and some are not. We all carry them in one way or another. We have emotional triggers, maybe faded injuries, broken bones or broken hearts. However our scars manifest we should embrace them.

There was a time when I felt sad to look in the mirror; I felt the world could see that I was going through a deeply stressful time. I piled on the makeup and tried to cover how I felt. I was afraid that people could see I was struggling to cope with life’s trials. Now I view these emotional scars as life’s stories. A life lived and traumas survived.

There are happy scars too. I remember when we as a family were preparing for a wedding. It was a special time and we were in the midst of dressing ourselves and the children. My lovely daughter- in-law was trying to do ten things at once and left the hot curling tongs on my dressing table, scorching the surface. She was mortified but I wasn’t – these things happen, and now, whenever I sit at my dressing table and look at the indelible mark, it reminds me of a wonderful day, full of love and new beginnings. I wouldn’t want it to be polished out. Another scar I look at with pride is the scar I wear on my body from a Caesarean section. Without that scar, my baby who has brought me so much joy may not have been born safely in his haste to enter the world.

It is beautiful to have lived and survived some traumas along the way, and to have the marks to prove it. It takes nothing to dress up in a fabulous outfit, but to face the world looking less than perfect, that is indeed beautiful.

Sometimes when we are struggling with emotional trauma or anxiety we lose our sparkle. If we stop feeling beautiful inside it shows on the outside however we try and hide how we feel. To look beautiful we need to feel good inside. Once we accept our scars and take the power away from negative emotions, accept that we cannot change our past and instead, look forward, we can be beautiful again.

I think of Kintsugi, which is the Japanese art of precious scars. By repairing ceramics with precious metal like liquid gold or silver,  it’s possible to give a new lease of life to pottery that becomes even more refined thanks to its ‘scars’. It teaches that broken objects are not something to hind but to display with pride. Now that is beautiful.

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‘Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars’.   Khalil Gibran

Trusting In The Universe and Releasing Anxiety …

What better way is there to lift your anxiety than to trust in the universe?

I keep a small perpetual calendar of daily religious sayings in my kitchen. I had given it to my dad for Christmas not long before he sadly died. He had enjoyed reading the short daily scriptures so I have taken over from him – pondering the profound and thought provoking words each morning. Yesterday I read this:

    So spacious is Christ, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe – people and things, animals and atoms – get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies.

Colossians 1 : 19 – 20

Whether we are religious or not I think the above passage from Colossians is wonderful and can give us a different way of thinking about the ‘bigger picture’.  We all know anxiety well. Life comes with trials and heartache and anxiety rises when opportunities fall through and when we are at a loss to find comfort in bad situations. We all have days when an unexpected bill comes through the post or when we turn on the news to witness another heartbreaking story of injustice or tragedy. It is easy to be almost paralysed by realities that unfold in front of us.

When anxiety strikes we can easily resort to thinking inwardly at the expense of the wider view and no one can blame us for that. Anxiety can often blind us to reality.

Trusting the Universe 

Trusting in the universe can be difficult at times of trouble;  however, more often that not, no matter how overwhelming things can be, if we can truly learn to let go, we can then trust that things will eventually work out. We have all been hurt, experienced loss and had difficult times and yet that isn’t because we cannot trust the universe. When you think about it, all good things have to end sometime but when we reach those endings that is the time when new beginnings start. New doors are opened and maybe new love and new successes.

When you learn to trust the universe it becomes easier to accept the things that would once have knocked us back and maybe had us sinking into depression. We can see light at the end of the tunnel. We can learn to let go of the past, knowing this does not serve us now. We can stop saying ‘what if?’ Also, instead of seeing life as past, present and future – never standing still, we can realise that we can just ‘be’ without any explanations. We can live the lives we were born to live.

There Is a Bigger Picture

When we begin to see there is a bigger picture, that the universe has us covered, we have more time for each other and for love and kindness. Our hearts are softened. The universe will give us what we need, not what we think we want. How many times have we looked back at old disappointments and realised that what we had yearned for but did not get, would not have served us well?

When we trust in the universe we connect with our brothers and sisters all around the world and we put out good vibes. People draw near to us because they sense our goodness and lack of negativity.

There is no crowding in the universe, there is room for all. There is no ticking clock that urges us to complete our loving actions or service to others before sunrise  – time is just an illusion so we do not need to rush headlong into each day.

Thinking As A Child

Do you remember how when you were a child every day held promise? There was excitement, the feeling of good things ahead , but mainly you did things just because they made you happy. When you connect with the universe you can reconnect with that feeling and enjoy the things you love the most.

When We Do Less We Become More.

This is an interesting thought isn’t it? It’s like most things – when you step back and take an objective view often you can see things more clearly. Trusting in the universe means realising that we don’t always have to be busy. If we are doing nothing we aren’t being lazy we are taking breaks when we need to and then being productive when we feel it is right.

Banishing Anxiety

What better way is there to lift your anxiety than to trust  in the universe? Instead of losing yourself in worry and depression, if you can trust that things will work out and feel in your heart that good things are coming, this can be a big step forward and you may feel as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

Many times people have used this line from the lyrics of Leonard Cohen but it never loses its impact to me:

There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.’

Remeber this, especially on anxious days: none of us are perfect  – nothing is ever truly broken. Like the philosophy behind the ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi, which repairs smashed pottery by using beautiful seems of gold with a 500 year old technique which  not only restores functionality to broken pots, but gives a useful lesson in life, we can mend and be more beautiful than we ever were before.

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