The Way We Were…

I was out walking this week through the sodden November fields. The air was damp and misty, the tacky soil clung to my wellies and the brambles in the hedges were shrouded in sodden dead leaves, the luscious blackberries of autumn already a distant memory. It didn’t really feel like the best day to embark on a five mile walk. But I continued on enjoying the faint smell of woodsmoke drifting lazily across the fields, and a feeling in the air that promised of glittering frosts to come.

Walking on the edge of the field I could see the tracks left by a tractor, the soil ploughed and turned leaving deep furrows and ridges, old crop residue buried beneath the fresh soil and left to feed the new crops in the spring. This made me think about the circle of life – and my mother, who always loved the sight of freshly turned soil in a garden.

I thought about remembering and looking back, how we see things, and I realised that most of the time we think of a person as we see them now, or, if we have lost elderly parents as I have, as they were in their latter days. The wise gurus advise us to ‘live in the now’ and I agree that is important for now is what we have.  Just this very minute is all we have for sure. But that doesn’t need to stop us remembering once in a while, remembering the past and our people; our family and friends who have made us who we are today, for better or worse.

We, and those around us change over the years, it’s inevitable. But it is interesting to note that when we are with someone regularly we often don’t notice any subtle differences until they are completely obvious – perhaps due to illness or dementia. Dementia is a huge and heartbreaking illness when it strikes and is sadly becoming more prevalent, but what do we make of the gradual changes, the natural ageing process that creeps up on us and those we love unannounced ?

It is easy to put people into compartments; perhaps refer to stereotypes, label people. When you hear someone referred to as a pensioner what vision does that conjure up in your mind? Not someone energetic and vibrant that’s for sure. And yet many people at pensionable age are certainly more nimble and sparky than the word suggests! Even if someone doesn’t have the energy any more to hop around the place or run marathons it doesn’t mean their thoughts and wishes are necessarily slowing down. They are still the same people inside that they always were.

At the end of her days, my mother had never really lost her determination, or her interest in her family, her cooking and her home, but it is hard for me as her daughter to shake off the memory of her fragility and frailty towards the end. It wasn’t until recently when I was going through an old suitcase full of her old photos and keepsakes that I began thinking about her as a young woman, full of hopes and dreams. She had kept so much through the years, from 21st birthday cards, my dad’s letters to her, full of love and care, wedding telegrams, cards and letters celebrating the births of my sister and me, and much more. There is a picture of her at the age of 21; she had a tiny waist, lustrous dark hair, styled with waves that were the fashion of the day, and was wearing a classic pencil skirt, a twinset and pearls, and staggeringly high heals. She looked the height of the fashion of the time, beautiful and stylish. What did she do that day? Did she have a party? Paint the town red? I wish I could ask her. To us she was mum and granny and she loved being that, but once in a while she liked to remind us about the glamorous young girl she once was.

But this isn’t so much of a trip down memory lane. It is more about looking at life and those around us with more than a passing glance or an assuming manner. It’s about looking beyond what is in front of us. Sometimes all is not what it seems, or once upon a time things were different; life was different. There is a lot of information and guidance hidden within our lives and experiences . When you turn a light on in a dark place you illuminate the things that were there all along but you didn’t see. To ‘see’ takes time. Life moves fast and we move fast through it. We see the normal everyday things but not always the incredible richness that is there. If we look more closely, there are patterns , textures, edges and roundness. And if we engage our intuitive awareness beyond the patterns, we can sense energies. And if we look at a person with fresh eyes and listen with renewed awakening we can reach below the surface. In turn we can engage more with those we love and reach a better understanding. And sometimes it is worth remembering that looking at the past helps us to understand each other better, and helps us see more clearly when we look at those we love.

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Is ‘Sweating the Small Stuff’ Really a Problem?

‘Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you’ll look back and realise they were the big things’.

I was thinking about how we go through our days, months and years; how we cope with life and the pressures we bear at times. We try to be diligent and concern ourselves with the rights and wrongs going on the world; what will happen about Brexit – how will the actions of President Trump impact upon us – what about global warming – the economy – the NHS – slipping standards in behaviour – the gloomy news we listen to everyday? I could keep adding to this never ending list…..

Throughout the day or week, your routine is most likely set and the little things happening during that time are the ones that are making a difference.

Last Sunday, I was invited to a service of  remembrance at the local church. This was held in the early evening – and although it was Remembrance Sunday this was an additional service held for all those who had lost someone close to them in the last year. It was a way of honouring the memory of a loved one recently departed, and a chance to give thanks for their life: ‘A gentle service to remember loved ones no longer with us.’

The service was very moving and conducted by the ministers with love and grace. It gave everyone time. Time to reflect and think about those we loved and lost, in a calm and peaceful environment. Towards the end of the service we were invited up to the altar to add a flower to the cross laid at the front, together with a lighted candle. As we returned to our seats and the lights were dimmed we sat quietly in contemplation for a while, before saying goodbye and going out into the dark night.

The service was beautiful for so many reason. As I had watched everyone walking up to lay a flower for their loved ones, I realised again, that all we really want in this life is to love and be loved. Just as the flowers thrive with the warmth of the sun and the gentle rain, so we thrive when we are loved. We may feel bereft when we lose someone very dear to us, but we can reflect on all the love we shared with that person and be glad. Love is at times, responsible for causing us heartbreak and pain as well as great joy, but without it we are lost. And when we show love and receive love we don‘t really need to worry about the bigger picture – the big wide world; it is the small things in life that matter.

I watch cookery programmes often; with each new series of Masterchef or The Great British Bake-Off I get drawn back into the show and get to ‘know’ the latest contestants and their particular way of doing things. I watch as they sometimes dissolve into tears when a soufflé sinks or a casserole burns  and it is easy to get into a cynical way of thinking and judging, and then I wonder why? It’s good to get passionate about cake! It may not change the world but a good slice of cake can make someone’s day!

We are all striving to be the best we can be – to make something of ourselves and our lives and there is nothing wrong with that. If we feel bound to make a difference to the world then we should go for it! Where would we be without explorers and pioneers in every field; those who work relentlessly and discover new drugs and new ways of healing? There are so many people struggling tirelessly to help people and to care for those who need it most. They are often the people too, who still find time to stop and enjoy the small things in life.

So when we focus on the small things, the little things that concern us, I don’t think it is a bad thing. Of course, we don’t want to get stressed particularly, about blocked drains (me at the moment) or being cut up on the motorway or any of the daily annoyances that beset us all from time to time. But stopping to study the new shoots on the trees or listen to the birds can only ever do us good.  Throughout the day or week, your routine is most likely set and the little things happening during the time are the ones that are making a difference.

It’s worth noting that the good feeling we get from taking some freshly baked bread from the oven or watching a child jump and play, is far more heartening than studying a politician arguing in a debate on the news, no matter how important the topic!

The good small things for me:  

Waking up and feeling good – making porridge the Cornish way.

Good hair days! A cup of tea in my favourite angel mug. My sister’s dog, Willow Writing a poem I am happy with. Going to the beach. Cooking a chocolate cake. Listening to Clifford T. Ward – listen to ‘Home Thoughts From Abroad’it’s beautiful. Laughing with friends. Messages from my sons. ❤️❤️ Christmas movies. Looking at photos of my mum and dad. Listening to my husband singing along to ‘Sounds of the sixties.’ 🎼 Reading to my grandchildren 📖   Life is made up of moments. Collect them and keep them in your heart.    

The magic of starting to focus on these little, but important things, is that you will gradually change from focusing on what is missing in your life, to what is there. And when we feel grateful for what we have, we gradually add to our happiness levels, bit by bit.

      IMG_0071 What small things make you happy? I would love to hear from you.