When Life is Different….

Think about the small things which are often the most important

Life has been very different this week.

My husband has had some surgery this week. He’s doing fine but seeing the person you love so much going through any sort of trauma is worrying and the whole balance of life changes.

I have been reminded that the small, everyday things in life are often the most important and they are usually the things you miss the most when life is altered. It is a paradox really. Small things are often of the biggest importance. Walking near the hospital I envied people out doing normal things; choosing Christmas presents or just having a pizza. We should soon be back to normal at Dove Lane, but I am so mindful of those, who for whatever reason, are unable to enjoy the small everyday parts of life that we take for granted.

So today I asked myself this question: how many times do I need to be pummelled and prodded by the Universe before I realise that I have a God given chance to use make the most of every day?

Does age bring us wisdom? I’m really not sure. I know I am not the same person as I was in my twenties, I think differently and have different opinions, but whether I have life worked out any better, I’m not sure. One thing I do know for sure though, is that life is not about making predictions, it’s not about having the best of everything or being the best at everything. I wish I could remember that more often than I do and get on with being grateful for what I have now. I wrote recently about living in the moment – living in the now, and I have come to the conclusion that this is the only thing we can be sure of. Today.

Because of the time of year and especially because we mark the 100 year anniversary this weekend of the end of the First World War, I was thinking about the families who suffered unbearable losses; so many, many lives cut short, so many decent, honest, ordinary people taken in unbearable circumstances and robbed of a future – robbed of a chance to partake in the ordinary, sometimes humdrum but welcome routine of everyday life. We must use today wisely.

I have written a lot about anxiety in recent blogs, and how we try and deal with anxious times. Most of us get anxious when we fear things that are out of our control – and sadly the unexplained or unexpected can happen in life and somehow we have to cope.

I think the simple questions in life turn out to be the most profound. Maybe in this world, where unrest and tragedy unfolds in the media on a daily basis, we would do well to think about some simple questions. Maybe even write down some answers so we can ‘ground’ ourselves when we feel we are on unsteady ground.

Where are you from? Do you think about your roots; your home town where you were born? Do you remember growing up and spending time with your grandparents? Do you have happy memories? Think about the people who made you and helped you become what you are now; even if the memories aren’t always good ones they have been a part of you and you can learn from them.

Where is home now? Home is the one place where we can totally be ourselves, shrug off the cares of the day and do absolutely what we like. Our home is small but we have a sign in our hall which reads ‘Love Grows Well in Small Houses’ and I look at it everyday and know it to be true.

Right now, at this very moment, you can tell yourself how important it is to enjoy your everyday life – it is the life that is currently flashing unnoticed right before your eyes. It is the time you will look back on before long and wish you had back. Let the future come naturally but live willingly in the moment.

What are you going to do next? Are you doing what you really want to do and going where you really want to go? It takes time, especially if you are the sort of person who always wants to please people, but remember that it is important to do what makes you happy as long as you are not hurting anyone else in the process. Maybe think about taking another turn along the path that is seemingly laid out for you. Who knows what may turn up there.

Each day you grow older but each of those days has the ability to be extra special and only happens once.

With the future comes uncertainty for all of us, but by concentrating on today rather than thinking about tomorrow you will ease up on worrying and focus on reality – that is really all any of us can do if you think about it, no matter who we are.

Spending more time with loved ones is the key to being happy. If you are a parent and even a grandparent, you will know how those precious early years pass so quickly and before long you are watching your children forge ahead on their own. By showing your children love as they grow and by showing them how you love those in your life you will be passing your love on into the future. This is the way we ‘get better’ and the world gets better too.

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.’

Henry David Thoreau

 

‘What day is it?

‘It’s today,’ squeaked Piglet.

’My favourite day,’ said Pooh.

A.A.Milne

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Dealing with Anxiety, Post Christmas Blues and Embracing a New Year…

 

0CABF23E-5C2A-4B60-8706-3730EA147E8DHello and Happy New Year. Thanks for sticking with me!

Every year I enjoy the build up to Christmas – more so this year because our elder son and his family where over from America for ten days in early December for a visit. To say we were excited was an understatement. We hadn’t seen the children (five came – they have a big family!) for two years and I hadn’t had chance to meet and hug our newest little granddaughter.

 

We had so much planned, starting with a visit to a pantomime which was quite a revelation to the American children! Being a large family they rented a property which was set in a very magical town nearby which was beautifully lit up for Christmas. Our English grandchildren enjoyed being with their cousins they have so little chance to see, and it was heartwarming to see our two sons and daughter-in-laws together too. So we all had fun together; we had quality time with each of the children and we made time for hugs, for chatting and for making memories. We took them to our favourite haunts and looked at old familiar places through the eyes of our grandchildren and saw new things. We were amused at the way they loved going into English pubs, buying cupcakes and eating beans on toast! Everyday we would get into the car and go and see them for at least part of the day. But as always happens, time passed very quickly and before long I was steeling myself for the inevitable heart wrenching goodbyes which never get any easier no matter how many times one goes through the process.

So we put on a brave face and waved them off. The consolation of such times is the knowledge that they are happy, loving children who are so interested in the world around them and have so much to occupy their minds.

With Christmas still ahead, we headed off to Cornwall to a holiday home kindly let to us by a family friend. We were perched up on the cliff overlooking the bay I had visited so much as a child. We went armed with a mini Christmas tree and enough food to last well into the new year! There was plenty of time to take early morning walks along the (blustery) beach and visit nearby family. On Christmas Eve we attended the church I was baptised in as small child and where my grandparents were regular attenders, having lived in the Cornish town all their lives. In the candlelit church I could almost feel their presence and with it the comfort of old traditions. Do our loved ones who have gone before us look down and watch over us? I like to think they do. As we stepped out in the early hours of Christmas Day the light shone through the church windows just as it had all through the years before, somehow giving a feeling of continuity and at the same time, rekindling old memories.

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Christmas passed in a flurry of bracing walks across the cliffs, visits to friends and family  and plenty of eating and drinking. All too soon we were packing the car up again and heading home.

So that takes us to New Year’s Eve. This time although for a lot of people it brings the promise of new beginnings, for me, It is hard to let go of Christmas. It seems to me, Chritsmas is the one time of the year when everything is different – almost like normal living is suspended in time and we can forget about the normal worries and problems that can bother us the rest of the year. It may entail more work if we are entertaining, but we have an excuse to grab a glass of wine, eat an extra piece of cake, shelve the bills until another day. We may complain when we have to spend time with acquaintances  we perhaps wouldn’t see other times of the year, but we do it, and that is because we care. It is about togetherness and being sociable, and following age old traditions that deep down are important to us.

One thing that saddens me is hearing people say Christmas is over for another year by the time Boxing Day arrives! So much planning and pleasure surely cannot disappear so quickly! If you are someone who suffers from post Christmas blues, I can assure you, you are not alone! If you have are prone to anxiety, perhaps you managed too keep anxious thoughts at bay with the distractions of Christmas only to find those unwanted thoughts returning in the new year? Being surrounded by jolly people making plans for the next year can sometimes be a bit overwhelming; all the talk of detox diets and new exercise regimes are certainly positive, but rather than rush headlong into the new year here are some suggestions for easing yourself kindly into 2018:

Don’t rush to take all those decorations down you put up so lovingly a few weeks ago; how about leaving a few fairy lights up so there is still a bit of festive feel to the house? When the decorations are all down, fill the house with as many early daffodils as you can afford. They really will lift your heart.

It is not necessary to make a long list of plans and new year’s resolutions, in fact, they are usually broken by the end of January, instead use the first few weeks of January to make time for some gentle meditation and uplifting reading.

Enjoy getting outdoors; walking and looking for the first snowdrops or listening to the birds is more uplifting than huffing and puffing at the gym.

Eat wholesome and nutritious food but don’t deprive yourself too much. Think comfort food. Enjoy plenty of freshly brewed tea or even a mug of hot chocolate on a cold afternoon.

Maybe think about starting a journal and writing down your thoughts. It’s amazing how therapeutic putting your thoughts on paper can be. You don’t need to shoe it to anyone – unless you want to of course – you may turn out to be a budding writer!

I once decided to wrap a few small presents for my children to come home to after their first day back at school after the holidays, just fun things that brightened their day. Do that for someone you care about, perhaps after the first day back at work. If someone needs cheering up it really works!

Finally, remember, Christmas isn’t the only time for a bit of magic and I have to tell myself this. Angels, too, are for life, not just for Christmas!

Blessings to you and I wish you the happiest of days.

64th Springtime….

I had to write about the passing of time today. I have returned from the town where I was born in Cornwall, after spending a long weekend there at a family reunion. I spent quite a lot of time in the house that belonged to my grandparents and where my Aunt and Uncle now live. I stood in front of the same window where I stood over sixty years ago wearing a bridesmaids dress and clutching a posy of wild flowers; a shy child then, uncomfortably striking a pose for the camera. I walked around the garden where I have walked so many times long ago, safe in the care of my grandparents. I looked at the old granite trough where chubby goldfish still swim, and the little avenue of apple trees I used to run through. I had a curiously strange, yet comforting feeling that my long departed grandparents were somehow there with me.

Nostalgia continued as we gathered with my father and various relatives to celebrate his cousin’s 90th birthday. Aunts, godparents and old friends each had a story to tell me, and a memory of the past to share. As we stood in the garden in the lovely Spring sunshine we looked at old photographs of the family and marvelled at the likenesses of our own children to their little known ancestors. We talked about those long gone as though they had only just stepped out of the room. It made me think that those we love and who loved us remain a part of our lives and in some ways have made us who we are.

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                                                  Poppies in my Grandparent’s garden.

Next day, at the beach, I meandered across the sand as I have done so many times in the past. I thought about the time I was punished at school by a bossy headmistress, when I handed in a note from my grandmother asking for permission for me to leave early one day. The headmistress knew that we were keen to get to the sea-side before tea-time! I guess she feared my leaving a little early would have had a detrimental effect on my education. I’m not really sure it would have made a big difference and who can doubt the benefit of a dose of fresh sea air? Deep in thought, I still got caught out by the stream that runs the length of the sand to the sea and offers no bridge to cross from one side of the sand to the other. Ah well, the shoes had to come off. There was nothing for it but to wade across to get to the crystal clear rock pools.

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Returning home to Dove Lane it was time to settle back in to routine. And yet, as always, family was uppermost in my mind. Our two sons were able to spend time together yesterday, an occasion that doesn’t happen as often as they like, as the eldest one lives in America, and the younger one was visiting him from England. They ‘Facetimed’ me and I watched their nine, (yes, they have nine children between them!) children playing together for the first time. There is something beyond heartwarming seeing your grandchildren naturally bonding together.

I am getting older now. I will soon have completed 64 Springtimes. Maybe I hanker  occasionally for my youth, for the odd bit of fame even, but I desire no money except insofar as I should like to be able to have enough to spend on my children and grandchildren… Can I still be helpful? I hope I can be in a useful, personal and direct way. I hope I have acquired some wisdom; I know one thing – I am well equipped to love.

I remember staring at my grandmother’s hands, they were a bit wrinkly and covered with veins and some brown splotches; they looked rather old to me, but it didn’t matter, they were there to hold on to me. That doesn’t seem long ago, yet now, here I am with my grandmother’s hands.

Blessings.

The Same Old Sun Up In The Sky

On my journey home  last night I looked at the winter sun hanging in the sky like a big red balloon. I thought about my eldest grandson who lives in America. I remembered telling him that whenever he missed us he could look up at the sun; the same sun that we looked at even though we were thousands of miles apart. It’s a comforting thought to know we share the same sky.

In times of loneliness or sadness I think we miss our loved ones more than ever. We only need to hear the few notes from a favourite shared song or pass a place we visited on happy days to slip into feelings of wistfulness.

But wherever we are in life there is always someone missing someone. The more we love the more our hearts can suffer when we are apart. But how lucky we are to love and to be loved.

Across the sea, a part of me

Stays in a house I know so well,

I left a footprint and a kiss

And a tear that softly fell.

And I visit often in my dreams

And swear I was really there,

Found my own way back, it seems

Across the sky we share.

A thousand miles can’t separate

Or loosen binds that tie,

And I can summon up your face

In the blinking of an eye.

(C) Lyn Halvorsen

                                   A favourite poem about my grandchildren:

My grandchildren came to the house today

And we took the time to stop and play.

Beloved little pair, playing with toys;

A sitting room filled with happy noise.

Special little people who like to dress

Like Superman, and a sparkly Princess.

We had a picnic laid on a cloth of silk

With gingerbread men and chocolate milk.

Left upon the bathroom mat

I see a twinkling sticker, a frog and a cat.

And in my handbag, what do I see?

A shiny lemon, dropped there for me.

(c) Lyn Halvorsen

Blessings to you….especially if you are missing someone today.

Lost in a Dream…

Where do we go when we dream?

Dreams fascinate me. I am not a dream expert but I keep a dream dictionary beside my bed so that if I have a particularly vivid dream during the night I can look it up straight away. Most of the experts seem to give interpretations that are far removed from what one might expect a dream to mean. Sometimes the explanations are comforting, but sometimes baffling, or even a bit worrying.

I do notice that if I have been working hard on a project until a late hour I am almost exhausted by the morning, as various dreams have been swirling around in my head all night long. So I guess this must be natures way of sifting through all the clutter in my brain and trying to put it into some sort of order. Why I would dream I was standing in the rain though, in a pair of threadbare pajamas, who can say?

Some dreams are unsettling; for me, dreaming of a stormy sea is common, with huge overpowering waves thundering towards the shore, cutting me off from the mainland. Snakes feature often too, and swimming in treacle. And don’t lets mention the toilet dreams.

But some dreams are good. Sometimes I can wake up and feel like I have connected with loved ones, both near and far away. I remember a very clear dream I had a while ago. I was playing with my little grandson who lives far away from me and we were having great fun together. It was real; certainly real to me.

                                          In My Dreams

I saw you in my dreams last night
I picked you up and held you tight.
We were underneath a sunny sky
Happy together; you and I.
You chuckled as I watched you play
And I wished I could have stayed all day.
But we both know that we were there,
Sharing a moment in time, somewhere.

The following words are attributed to Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Maybe all poets are led by their dreams:

What if you slept
And what if
In your sleep
You dreamed
And what if
In your dream
You went to heaven
And there plucked a strange and beautiful flower
And what if
When you awoke
You had that flower in your hand
Ah, what then?

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Just one more dream poem before I go….

Garden of Dreams

Once I dreamed I was in a magical wood;
A carpet of bluebells where I stood.
The nightingale sang to the velvet night
And set a myriad of stars alight.
And the lofty trees bent their branches low
To fold me in their arms below,
In that peaceful land of sleep.

And alone amidst the scented flowers
I felt the peace of the night-time hours
Settle round me like the softest cloth;
A tapestry woven with the spirit of love.
And I tumbled through a mystic land
Until daylight led me by the hand
Back from that peaceful land of sleep.

© Lyn Halvorsen

Dream well and blessings to you….Dreaming.jpg