Anxiety and Looking at the Past…

 
It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland.

Problems from our past are responsible for a lot of the anxieties we suffer from now. Reminders of unhappy memories from the past can come from all manner of things. Perhaps a familiar perfume floating on the air, or a few bars of half remembered music from long ago is enough to have you catapulted back to a situation you would prefer to forget. At times like this it’s a good idea to stop and remind yourself that those days are in the past and although you may wish you could erase them, you can’t. You cannot change them either. You may not realise it but you can learn from those painful memories, even just by becoming a more understanding and empathetic person to others. Ask yourself if the memories are genuinely as bad as you feel they are. Can you try to look back and view them as an outsider and make an objective judgement? If you know it was something completely traumatic, have you ever talked it through with anyone? Until you release the pain and trauma you felt you may have difficulty moving on. Consider talking to a counsellor if this is the case. If you were badly hurt or abused in some way, remember that none of that was your fault. None. You didn’t deserve to be treated badly; you deserve to be loved. I don’t think many of us can totally stop ourselves from delving into the past in darker moments. We may say to ourselves: ‘If this hadn’t happened I wouldn’t be feeling like this now’ or ‘if I had acted differently/ taken the job/ moved here instead of there’ none of this would have happened and my life would be better.’ But how do you know that for sure? We can always find situations and people to blame for how we feel now. Perhaps there IS someone to blame or someone who treated you unfairly but that doesn’t bring a solution. The solution lies in forgiveness and moving on. You are a different person now and what happened or whatever choices you made in the past are just that. In the past. But you are here now and have a chance to move forward and be who you wish to be. No one can hurt you if you don’t let them but you hurt yourself if you cannot let go of past grievances. Buddha says: ‘Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die’. There is hardly a person on earth who doesn’t have some sort of mental scars from the past and maybe that is where a lot of the problems in our world stem from. If we can’t show forgiveness and love our brothers and sisters at home and all around the world then troubles occur and escalate. No one is perfect and our upbringing came from those who were doing the best they could from what they themselves had learned along the way.

23F60E76-D4E8-4FF6-9AAB-32D25D44129A

Gut Health, Anxiety and Self Image…

I’m writing about diet this week as I feel it plays a huge part in the management of anxiety. I am sure that we are often attracted to the very foods which can result in making us feeling jittery! Likewise, there are ‘angel’ foods that certainly help to keep us a little calmer.

Diet

It is easy to assume that our diet is nutritious. Even when we think we eat a balanced diet there is always room for improvement. With the busy lives most of us lead, it is easy to grab whatever food is going or eat fast food and ‘takeaways’. Highly processed foods not only are devoid of nutrients but can be positively harmful to our mood and well-being. The main baddies which we would all do well to avoid are: processed foods, all sugars, fried foods, cured meats, sodas, excess caffeine and alcohol. These foods can create inflammation in our bodies by harming our digestion. Poor diet will contribute to poor gut health which could lead to ‘leaky gut’ and IBS symptoms. If we do not absorb our nutrients as nature intended, are bodies can be more prone to disease and depression.

Many scientists now believe that the key to our well-being is related to our gut health. Our gut health is related to our diet. In a healthy gut, seventy percent of our serotonin is produced by the healthy microbes that live in the stomach. Serotonin is one of the most important chemicals in our brain for promoting the feeling of well-being. How often do we hear people say: ‘My gut feeling was to do this or not to do that’? Our feelings and lifestyle affects our gut in many ways and, in reverse, our gut health affects our thinking quite dramatically. When we are anxious we get ‘butterflies in our tummy’ and often a churning feeling, proving that there is a direct connection with our gut and our brain. So a quieter mind will help our gut feel more settled. There are many studies which show how beneficial pre and probiotics can be in aiding our digestion by supplementing our gut flora or bacteria, which in turn may help us feel calmer overall.

Whatever diet you follow, be it vegetarian, vegan, paleo or ‘hunter gatherer’ for example, try and make it as wholesome as you can. Just because a diet has a label doesn’t mean it is always healthy. It helps to do your research to find out what diet suits your body type best and also to ensure your food comes from the best source you can find. At the same time, don’t get too hung up about your diet either. Do your best to eat well but if you have a few lapses and indulge in a cake or two now and again don’t beat yourself up. If you enjoyed it, it probably did you good in a ‘feel good’ way!

Avoid any foods that trigger your anxiety and cause headaches like cheese and yeast extract. Acid producing food and drinks can make you jittery i.e. processed meats and sodas, whilst alkaline foods can be more calming, i.e. vegetables and most fruits, beans and lentils. Sometimes when you eat certain foods you may notice a pattern emerging –i.e. tiredness, mental fogginess or bloating, and this may indicate these foods do not suit you and may be best avoided.

I am not here to extol the virtues of one particular diet as I do not feel that one diet suits everyone, and also you may have certain ethical reasons for wanting to follow a certain diet, or you may prefer to avoid diary/wheat etc. All I suggest is that you eat good and nutritious food which is as unadulterated as possible. Other possible choices to consider for boosting your health are juicing and of course, drinking enough water. In these days of intensive farming and modern agriculture, some foods may not contain as many nutrients as they once did and therefore going for organic and bio-dynamically produced foods would be ideal. However, this may not always be financially sustainable and so you might want to consider a multi-vitamin and mineral supplement to top up your diet. I feel this has benefited my own personal health but it is very much personal choice. If you do decide to supplement your diet it is worth asking for advice from a good nutritionist or naturopath.

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.’      Hippocrates

Exercise

Exercise can really help to alleviate stress and anxiety. The problem can be that when we feel down or anxious we lose motivation to do anything, leave alone go out and take exercise. But take small steps if you really feel lethargic. Make the effort to go out and walk around the block and you will soon feel uplifted. Nature has a way of working magic! Who can fail to be cheered up by the sight and sound of a merry robin singing his heart out in the tree above our heads, or the beauty of the sun bursting through the clouds on a grey day? If you can get used to taking a daily walk you can increase your distances and improve your fitness. Walking, especially at a brisk pace can really improve your physical and mental health. Of course, you may be used to exercise and have just got a bit out of practise and if that is the case try and resume those sports/hobbies you have got out of the habit of doing. Sometimes it’s good to walk with a friend and chat as you go. Leave your worries behind you and concentrate only on what is around you and the power of nature. What works for me is putting on the headphones and listening to some inspiring music or listening to an audio of one of my favourite motivational speakers, whilst walking in the woods behind my house. Overall, exercise is one of the most effective ways of improving your mental health. Regular exercise can have a profoundly positive impact on depression, anxiety and stress. It will also help you sleep better and will boost your overall mood.

Self-Image

We have multi-billion pound industries devoted to telling us how we should look and present ourselves to the world. This begins when we are young children and is promoted on a world-wide and daily basis and is a never ceasing bombardment. This can affect people in all social and economic groups. Even the most self-assured amongst us may think twice before we go out if we are not feeling ‘up to the mark’. If we don’t feel we ‘fit in’ we become uncomfortable and try and be like everyone else. Society wants us to conform even though deep down it does not suit us. It is hard at times to remind ourselves that our lives are not dependant on what others think. Even when people are well-meaning, they are often taken up with their own lives and appearances and are not in the least worried about how we appear to them; often all the angst we go through when worrying how others see us is just a waste of energy. If you enjoy being a follower of fashion or the latest trends then that’s great, but if not, just be happy with whom you are. And remember, if you were a good and kind friend to someone, they will remember the kind actions you showed them rather than what you were wearing!

2C104239-B8C3-4500-8573-1EA00804A671

Holding on-but letting go of anxiety…

I am continuing my theme on anxiety this week and I’d like to write about letting go and trying new ways of coping when things get too much.

I have read so much recently about striving. Striving to be the best you can be and striving to find the best life you can have. Instructions on how to manifest what you want and how to order what you want from the universe. This is all fine and interesting and yes, helpful too, but what do you do when you can’t keep everything together? Is it sometimes better to focus on the simpler things in life, the small everyday actions that can make life tick over? Or is it better to make a start on a new road? Every journey starts with small steps. A big part of the battle against anxiety involves staying in the moment, but also knowing that one day you will move forward. And a big part of that involves staying positive. Keeping focused on the now.

What would make you happy today? This is a good thing to think about. For one thing it stops you thinking about more negative subjects, and another, it can help you take some actions, however small. Ask yourself what small treat you would like, or think about visiting someone you love.

Looking the best you can helps you face the day. Standing up straight and looking confident will make you feel and appear better and automatically warmer and open to others. Think of your aura positively glowing!

How can you create a better atmosphere in your home? Your environment is so important to your mood. Cook simple but wholesome food, light some candles and express gratitude to those who are with you. If you are own your own make sure you still make the effort. Realise you deserve sympathetic and mellow surroundings.

What do you want to see yourself doing in the future? Picture yourself doing something you have dreamed about. Would you like to look for a different career? Even if you can’t think of a way through now, picture it anyway.

When you are in conversation with others, really listen to what they say. Pay them a compliment and make them feel worthwhile. That in turn helps you.

I have made some suggestions here. I haven’t gone into too much detail about coping with anxiety as I have given suggestions in previous posts, but I really wanted to focus on ways of letting go. Can we find a way of release; a way to kick up our heels and have a go at feeling good?

What can really help us to both hold on to life and let go of the grip of anxiety?

I was speaking to someone recently who had suffered from anxiety for many years and he explained that for so long fear and worry had stopped him doing so many things. He couldn’t hold down a job because there were so many days he couldn’t face going to work and called in sick. Eventually those he worked for lost patience. They thought he was lazy and workshy. They didn’t know what really held him back. In all aspects of his life he was afraid and rather than attempt things he gave up at the first hurdle. Then suddenly he realised he had had enough. Enough of just holding on. He finally ‘got it’. He decided to let go and see what happened. He saw his friends having fun, leading life to the full and taking risks. He thought to himself he would just go for it, even if he felt anxious. After all, he couldn’t really feel any worse than he already did, and at least he would be doing something he could talk about to others. So he started doing ‘normal things’, he travelled, messed around with friends, went on nights out even when he felt bad. The more he did, the more normal he began to feel. Of course, it was important not to overdo it either, late nights and too much alcohol would have been counter productive here, as would bombarding the senses with too much new activity. But this person was brave enough to meet his anxiety head on rather than stay in an anxiety  cycle.

Another thing to realise is how important talking is. If my friend had talked to his bosses and been honest he could well have been met with sympathy and understanding  – and if not it would have been good to move on anyway. It takes courage to open up and tell someone you feel bad at times, but you would be surprised how many people will tell you they have been there too. Also, the people who are worth having in your life are the ones who show you compassion and make an effort to understand you. Even if they don’t always seem the same as you, if they make an effort and show up they are worth knowing.

So by giving yourself a break and having a go at life – putting your worries aside and going through the motions of having a good time  – you will save yourself a lot of energy. Have you ever noticed how tiring having an anxious day is? Have a go at saying to your anxiety ‘do what you want – I don’t care any more and I am in charge.’ You may find that you begin to feel better and the spells of being worry free become longer.

There are no magic solutions to anything in life and what works for one person will not always work for another. But remember that life is very hard to fathom out at times. For everyone. Momentous times come and go. Some extraordinary, some tragic, some heartstoppingly beautiful, some you wish you could forget. But the main thing is, if we give it a go, we will look back without regret.

 In the words of one of my favourite writers –

If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too.’

Dr. Seuss.

cropped-antique-soft.png

 

Finding Patience

Do you find you have times when you find yourself coming across coincidences? Then again, I have heard it said there are no such things as coincidences. Maybe we are led in certain directions for a reason. This week I have read several bits of advice urging me to find patience, so I thought I should take notice and ask myself whether I am a patient sort of person, and what showing patience really means.

      ‘We can be bombarded with all sorts of new ideas and clever thoughts and these more than have a place, but sometimes a handful of patience shown to us can be far more helpful.’

I think of myself as a patient person generally, but then I think of certain recent examples where I have struggled to keep my cool. This very day I was held up in my car for several miles, driving behind a slow moving tractor carrying an enormous pile of manure; I squirmed behind the wheel, straining my neck trying to look around the vehicle for a chance to overtake safely when there was none. My hand hovered over the steering wheel, itching to beep the horn. I asked myself why the  driver wouldn’t pull over to let the long stream of traffic overtake. I huffed and puffed and felt annoyed. But eventually  I got to where I was going and soon my equilibrium returned. I soon forgot about the incident until now. Now, I can see that yes for a moment there was a bit of a hold up, but was it really worth getting annoyed about; allowing the blood pressure to go up and the adrenaline to flow? Definitely not. I would have been far better off keeping calm and listening to classic FM. Ah well, maybe next time.

This was a relatively minor incident, and fairly common to all of us from time to time. Mostly we learn to calm down and move on in these situations. But what about the situations where patience is really important? For anyone in a position of relative power, it is easy to feel full of a sense of importance and forget that others also have something important to say. I remember a small child at school, stricken with shyness, being told to hurry up and give her answers to a question and being made to look silly as she stumbled over her response. Had she been shown patience and kindness, she would have had a chance to get her answer right and gain confidence. We see examples of impatience around us on a daily basis –  and none of us are immune to it. When people are busy and workloads are heavy it is easy to fall out of step with how we should treat others. Will the hard working doctor with a long queue of patients always remember to treat each one with compassion and realise that every person coming into his waiting room may be harbouring worries about their health? Will the politician dealing with a hundred questions a day treat every person he comes into contact with with the same tact and interest? Will the busy vicar treat every member of his flock in the same way after a busy day visiting parishioners? We hope so but we can understand if they sometimes fall short of what we expect.

When trying to develop more patience I am going to  try a few tips :

To take a day where I make patience my goal for the entire day. Make a concerted effort to take my time and think about everything I do, be mindful and live in the moment.

Practise slowing down.

Practise delaying quick outcomes.

Practise thinking before I speak.

Ways to BE patient:

I will:

Pay attention to what makes me feel like I am in a hurry.

Take my mind to obedience school and learn to be still and quiet for a while.

Learn to let go – it doesn’t always matter to me that I need to be right about everything.

Be patient about learning patience!

Plan ahead – that way I will not feel as stressed if I allow plenty of time i.e. to get to appointments etc.

I am going to take time (perhaps next time I am stuck in traffic!) to notice all the good things that life offers.

So the importance of patience should be realised. Patience when learned, can help us to reach for the stars. With patience we can stop ourselves making hasty decisions we may later regret. Life is not about living in the future – it is about slowing down and taking each day as it comes.